Sanctuary of The Thorny Rose
by Busby-Lizzy
Summary: "He's likeable… that means I can't kill him. So I'll put him somewhere no one can find him. A place he can't get out, beyond imagination. Only I'll be able to enter the sanctuary and only I will face his wrath when he finds out what I've done to him." Merlin fears his destiny will be his demise. But he must protect the King at all costs, even if his own heart is the price. Merdred
1. Chapter 1

Hours after the sun had gone down and darkness had fallen over Camelot the young sorcerer, Merlin, flopped down on his bed. His face was pressed against his somewhat soft pillow. It had been a long and tiring day. Not only had he been forced to come with on a journey to find Morgana but he also had to save Arthur's life for the umpteenth time.

He wouldn't easily confess that their little encounter with Morgana had drained nearly all of his powers. But anyone could see the trembling of Merlin's knees and how sickly pale his skin had become. Even Mordred, the young knight, was able to see him cave of front of everyone.

The strong Emrys was only a lie. He wasn't strong at all. But the longer Mordred believed that, the longer he and Arthur were save. Mordred wouldn't try to do anything without knowing the limits of Merlin's magic.

And now he knew. Merlin couldn't help but fear Mordred. The young man was destined to betray them, destined to kill Arthur. And Merlin was destined to protect Arthur against people like Mordred. Deep in his subconscious he dreamed things could be different. It was foolish and naïve of him. But it happened nonetheless. He couldn't stop these fantasies without acknowledging them and that was the thing he would never do.

Most of all he dreaded the moment Mordred would turn against them. He knew it would happen one day but he had no exact date, nor the circumstances he would do it under. Merlin didn't take him as a coward so standing behind Arthur and stabbing him in the back seemed too low even for Mordred. Or maybe Merlin was blinded and Mordred would indeed be capable of doing the thing cowards were being called cowards for.

In the end Merlin didn't know what were the limitations of Mordred's power. But in order to have once deceived Morgana he must be a great sorcerer himself. Not to mention a great liar too. It was frightening to know a man like him existed and in the heart of Camelot no less. It was Arthur's mistake to make him a knight. How could he have been such a fool? He should've killed him a long time ago.

But now… he was guilty of having the chance to kill Mordred too. He knew he could've done it yesterday, the day before or the day before that day. He could keep trying to kill Mordred, never give up until he would lie on the ground motionless, lips turning blue, eyes glazed over forever. But he couldn't yet he didn't know why.

Possibly Gaius was right and this boy was likeable. There was something about him that made him so good. There was something which made him doubt the centuries old prophesy. Merlin would blame it on the druid's eyes. So light and they held an innocence comparable to a young child's. Merlin hadn't yet figured out how that was possible since he had to go through so much since he was young and why it was affecting him so much.

Why did Mordred bother him so much, even his presence agitated Merlin. Maybe it was the younger man's magic which stirred so much worry inside Merlin's gut.

Whatever it was Merlin couldn't ponder about it any longer because thanks to the numbing and soothing effect of the draft Gaius had given him he fell into a deep sleep without worries gnawing at his mind.

"I have a problem." Merlin announced when he walked out of his small bedroom and down the small steps. Gaius was in the middle of brewing a potion using a small amount of the little white flowers of the Heracleum sphondylium. "Does your wound from yesterday still hurt? Normally it shouldn't be bothering you long but I've made another draft if you need it." Gaius said without looking up.

Merlin sighed and sat down on one of the chairs in the room. He winced slightly and touched the back of his head which had collided with the walls. He remembered he had fallen down to the ground and felt some wetness dripping through his hair. He pulled his hand away from the not yet fully healed wound and turned to Gaius. "My problem doesn't concern that."

Putting his tubes down Gaius looked at Merlin, "What is it then, Merlin?" The young sorcerer in question sighed and his expression was pained.

"He's likeable."

Gaius' eyes widened as this seemingly came out of nowhere though he realized that the druid was more than often on Merlin's mind. He probably must've caused Merlin lots of worry and discomfort. Gaius was sure Merlin wouldn't let his guard down around Mordred for one second. He simply couldn't afford that.

"What do you mean?"

Merlin gulped and his mouth twitched before he answered, "That means I can't kill him, not yet anyway." "Are you sure killing him is the only solution?" Gaius asked hoping he could give his apprentice a piece of advice.

"Of course not. But it's the only one I can think of. In order to kill him I have to hate him more than I do now. He has to betray Arthur, us, before I can act upon vengeance." Merlin rubbed his eyes tiredly. "Because I can't even know for sure if he's good or evil."

Gaius watched Merlin in pity as he struggled with what to do. "Merlin, drink the draft and go back to sleep, you'll need it." "But Arthu-" Merlin was cut off by the old physician. "Arthur will get notice of your inability to work today."

Merlin pointed his finger to Gaius a little daring, "You will wake me around midday, and not a moment later." He narrowed his eyes and even though his brain protested against the thought of sleeping again, his body was ready to embrace the much needed rest immediately.

Only when he almost passed closed the door he heard Gaius calling after him. "No one is purely good or evil, Merlin. You of all people should know." And with that the door closed behind him and after a minute or so, Merlin was off to dreamland.

_You love roses, you truly do… what about the thorns? Are you going to cut them off? How can you even say you love, when you don't love completely?_

_The light_

_The darkness_

_The grain in-between the two_

_He was standing on the edge of a balcony. The walls of the chapel were ivory white. Next to him stood the one destined to kill Arthur. Merlin had the chance to do it. He had the chance to end it all and he would do it._

'_You will regret this, Emrys. Your heart must be the judge of what your mind thinks is best.' The young druid spat at him, eyes blazing, cheeks reddening with rage. 'Emrys!'_

_Without having control over his magic Merlin threw Mordred over the balcony and heard him scream his name loudly when he fell down. 'Emrys! What have you done!' An angry roar emitted from the depths of the druid's undeniable hatred. Merlin's mouth dropped open as a bright light came up and blinded him. Painting the world white. All the while hearing Mordred scream his name as if that way he could damn him to hell._

The sorcerer woke up sweating profusely. His eyes wild and his breath speeding up. What was that dream? What happened? His body cooled down and he shivered. He was so cold as if he got splashed by ice cold water.

He lay silently for a few minutes, completely shocked and afraid. Was this another prophesy? Was he going to win from Mordred but do something against the rules of magic? And turn Mordred against him forever, it sure seemed like that. What did he actually do in his dream?

Mordred had fallen in his dream, but it seemed more like a nightmare to him. Why did he feel sorry for something he hadn't yet done and how would he even be able to do it when he had no idea what that was?

But Mordred warned him, the heart will judge all. And he knew his heart was bigger and stronger and more persistent than anything else. He didn't know exactly why but it felt like he was about to do something terribly wrong.

**AN: This is the first part of my newest story. It's a long time since I wrote anything Merlin related and it's actually only my second Merlin story. It may be a little awkward at first but I'm trying to get into in and well… I hope it seems interesting. Arthur hasn't appeared in this chapter yet but in the next he will. The relationships in this story are a one-sided Merthur, Arwen and Merdred.**

**Please review to tell me what you think and I hope I'll be able to update soon. But since I'm working on my original fiction too, it might take a while.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or any of its characters.**

With a heavy headache Merlin went up to Arthur's chambers to start doing his chores. While he was changing the sheets the king walked in and stopped as he saw Merlin. "What are you doing here?" He asked confused.

Merlin turned around, the dirty sheets in his hands and answered, "I'm a servant, I'm doing as I'm supposed to do?" His statement turned into a question at the end. Arthur sighed and rolled his eyes, "Merlin, we both know you rarely do what you're supposed to do. And even now Gaius had told me you're still weak from Morgana's attack and you aren't allowed out of bed."

While sucking in his lip Merlin muttered, "Well Gaius isn't to be trusted anymore." Arthur looked at him amusedly.

"He told me he would wake me around noon so I could fulfill my duties properly today."

Arthur chuckled as he leaned against his wardrobe. "He's a physician, Merlin. He obviously knows what's best for you."

"I'm his apprentice so I know a bit about healing too. I'm perfectly fine and in no need of care. Though having it come from you is new and surprising, not unpleasant… just a bit strange." Merlin raised an eyebrow at his king and Arthur scoffed, "It isn't me who cares that much, but… Mordred is a bit worried. He had seen how much blood you lost yesterday." Merlin couldn't smile. He couldn't even if he tried. Just hearing the druid's name made the world seem sour. Every time he said his name it left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth.

He hated him, he hated him, he hated him but he was so likeable. He never did anything wrong. He hadn't done anything suspicious or wrong so far. But the prophesy was to be undoubted, Mordred would betray them and Merlin wasn't going to be caught off guard by him. He wouldn't let the same thing happen after Morgana.

"Everything's alright. I don't need his care." Merlin couldn't mask his obvious loathing but luckily Arthur stayed as oblivious as ever. "If that's so then you probably don't mind washing my clothes and mucking out the stables?" The king turned around and walked out of his room.

Merlin slumped against the bedpost and breathed harshly. He thought he had gotten used to keeping up appearances but hiding his physical pain was never an easy task. His body shook but he had to keep going. He always had to be strong… for Arthur.

He couldn't disappoint him because then he would fail himself too. With a last groan he pushed himself back up and grabbed Arthur's clothes to wash them.

With the big pile of clothes he walked carefully down the stairs. Sighing softly Merlin worked hard and spend the next few hours doing his chores. Over the many years working for Arthur he'd gotten so used to fulfilling his tasks that he didn't have to think about them anymore. His hands worked without him consciously thinking about it.

That gave him time to let his mind wander off and try to remember his dream. Roses, roses… all he could think of were roses. And of course Mordred's voice haunting him… constantly. It was terrifying. A chapel, ivory white with a balcony. He had to avoid it, but first he needed to ask Gaius more about it.

If there was anything magical about it, then Gaius had to know something or maybe he could find something useful in one of the many books Gaius had.

"Gaius?" Merlin bit his lip, he hated himself for finding it harder and harder to trust and talk to Gaius, while the old man had done nothing but help him all these years. He was brewing a foul-smelling potion and looked up at Merlin. "What's wrong, Merlin?"

"It's… I had a dream… well, actually a terrible nightmare." He confessed and watched as Gaius put the big pot on their table and grabbed two plates. "Wait, what are you doing?" His eyes widened and Gaius raised one eyebrow at Merlin. "Supper, I thought you must be hungry after working when you were not allowed to."

Merlin grinned sheepishly and replied, "It keeps my mind off of… certain things." He took a seat and dug in. He didn't notice until now that he was starving. Gaius observed the young man sitting slumped in his chair. This wasn't the Merlin that walked in all these years ago, nor the one complaining that Arthur treated him like a slave or the Merlin that felt proud of himself for saving Arthur… again.

This man in front of him was broken and lost because it seemed everything he did and everything he tried ended in disaster. Merlin was probably just waiting for the moment Mordred would betray them all. He didn't even try to start something… because it was all futile. A waste of time.

"What was your dream about?"

Merlin pushed his almost empty plate away and crossed his arms. "I… do you know if there's a connection between roses and a white chapel? I saw it in my dream." Gaius pondered for a moment, searching in his mental library and leaned closer to Merlin, as if this was a very dangerous secret.

"I can only think of one thing… the sanctuary of the thorny rose. The chapel isn't some sort of prison, as you might think, but it's a gate to a parallel world and that's the sanctuary. Once someone is locked in there, they become untouchable. They can't hurt or get hurt physically. They can't kill or be killed. In times of the Old Religion even high priestesses were frightened of the sanctuary's power. Only one has ever used it and that ended disastrously." Merlin listened closely and gulped. If even high priestesses wouldn't use it…

But he did… in his dream.

"Who got locked up in there?" He asked hesitantly. "A mad druid girl. But all I know are just rumors. I don't even know if it exists or not." Gaius answered as he stood up and turned to clean up the study a bit. Merlin narrowed his eyes. He could see Gaius was lying to him. He did know it existed and if Gaius was so determined Merlin couldn't find out about it then… it must be close, here in Camelot.

Merlin was going to figure out what the hell was going on. He couldn't live with these dreams and also couldn't live with the fact that if a hopeless situation would arrive, he could and should encage Mordred and make him harmless.

He couldn't let destiny play out the way it was going right now. And if he had to strip Mordred from his magic and freedom then wouldn't it be justified. Wouldn't he understand that Merlin had no other option. But of course he would only curse Mordred when… oh, who was he fooling? He wanted Mordred gone and away. He already tried to kill him and he failed. He wanted to do it now and get over it.

It didn't matter where Mordred ended up. All that mattered was the safety of the King and of Camelot. If Mordred was indeed sincere he would surely understand that, wouldn't he?

Merlin stumbled to his room and dropped down on his bed. The tiredness of the day finally crashing over him. And for once he had a dreamless night. He couldn't handle anymore prophesies or destinies. He had enough… but soon things would change and become different.

And Mordred, the knight and druid would be no longer. But his heart raged with hatred that the fact made his mind so peaceful. '_Your heart must be the judge of what your mind thinks is best.'_

**I hope you liked it, I don't update that frequently and I'm sorry. But well, please review to tell me what you think and thanks for reading!**


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